Stay Out of the Kitchen
Smoke billowed in ominous shapes
A pungent aroma wafting upon the air
Federal agents posted, waiting
Triggers ready on dangerous hardware.
Neither wanton terrorist nor right wing prey
Neither Tim McVey nor David Koresh.
The force they faced within the compound
Was the evil Poppin’ Fresh.
His new agenda had gone too far
The doughboy had turned the tide
His dire plan, his wicked quest
The ultimate in genocide!
“It’s a great new taste sensation!”
“Just try it and you’ll see,”
Said the mascot with a gleam in his eye
As he cackled in his glee.
“Mix the ingredients,” he screamed
As if the deed were nothing.
His captives only gasped
While he commanded, “Fire up the ovens!”
“I will not be your whipping boy.
Some fodder for your shopping carts.
I’ll have the final laugh,” he chortled
“When you all are toaster tarts!”
The building shook, glass shattered.
Debris flew to and fro.
The FBI stormed in
To take the battle toe to toe.
Years of training, hard experience
And tons of expertise
Could not have prepared
This task force for what they would now see.
Human pretzels, toaster strudels
In assorted cookery,
Cannibal cakes and cookies, crepes, calzones
In this grisly bakery.
“Fresh ingredients,” the Doughboy cackled
A fire gleaming in each eye.
“Welcome to my kitchen.
Now you must prepare to die!”
Flamethrowers ignited. The battle began.
Against such utter lunacy,
A desperate battle now ensued
For ultimate supremacy.
The doughboy’s minions
Fell one by one. The casualties were high
As each was slowly turned
Into a flaming apple pie.
So, with the battle done
The bakery burned to the ground.
Yet, despite the desperate efforts
The Doughboy was never found.
A hollow, bitter victory at best.
And this, at least is true,
You cannot have your cake
And eat it, too.
08/04/98