Pastries for Puppies
Ragamuffin was a good dog
Though he didn't roll over, do tricks, or play dead.
He was loyal, affectionate, loving
The best damn puppy a girl ever had.
But in the aftermath of the Awakening
A toppled government and mass disarray,
Money became meaningless, food priceless
Survival tenuous from day to day.
Father sat Emily down to break
Such news he could not bear to give
That little girls, like puppies
Need more than just love to live.
In particular, food was needed,
The cure against hunger pain.
Pilsbury had offered a solution:
The Pastries for Puppies Campaign.
In exchange for the custody of pets
For which families could no longer offer care,
The beneficent baker offered hungry clans
Food and pastries beyond compare.
"This is for the best," he told her.
"The cities are too dangerous to roam."
"They'll give him fields to frolic and play in."
"Ragamuffin will have a good new home."
But the flow of tears these words could not stop.
The cold-hearted logic fell apart.
For just what sort of home was better
Than inside a little girl's heart?
When the exchange took place
Emily made a tearful, steadfast oath.
She would not touch a single cookie or cake
Nor partake of the all-new Homestyle Loaf.
For the taste of such sweets are bitter at best
In light of the sacrifice made
And Emily better to do without
Than ponder the price which was paid.
So she did not notice when changes took place
Amidst her family and neighbors in droves
As they slavered and hungered and committed to
Ritualistic baking of Homestyle Loaves.
From miles around, the people came
Drawn by the aromatic scent.
With single-minded reverence, silent
Hundreds hungry, came and went.
And with each slice, the desperate found
The price they paid anew.
For with each bite, they died inside
But the hunger only grew.
And so, the Doughboy’s cancer spread
As easily as jam upon toast
His infectious, hollow hatred the disease
And Humanity its host.
Thus, the army of empty vessels
Waited at the master’s behest
Pasty, undead legions prepared
To serve the evil Poppin’ Fresh.
So Emily found in the weeks to come
That from such terrors there was but one escape
To flee her once beloved home
And face a dark and tortured landscape.
Scavenging for food by daylight
Hiding from terrors at night
She was caught and cornered late one eve
By a stupefying sight.
Hulking, dog-like monsters led the baker’s dead
Across the promenade
A twisted scene of man and beast
The Doughboy head of this parade.
“It’s hard to live,” the golem spoke,
“With Mankind’s form but not his soul.
To have one myself
Was once my solution and my goal.
Alas, that dream can never be.
A delusion inside my head,
So I drain the souls of those I can
And kill the rest instead!”
“To that end, I introduce…
Your attention here is a must.
My new Pilsbury Crescent Dogs.
They’re Hell Hounds with a flaky crust!”
At this, the beasts leapt forward
A snarling of spittle and fangs,
Wire mesh and claws and meat
Pastry dough and half-suggested things.
Some had hair so oily black
And eyes the color of night.
Others had pearly, opal sheens
But all instilled paralyzing fright.
Emily thought her time had come
She was caught in a Crescent Dog’s stare.
Their eyes locked upon each other
As she found Ragamuffin there.
“Tear her to pieces, rip her to shreds.”
The Doughboy cackled in perverse joy
While Emily produced from her pocket
Her puppy’s favorite chew toy.
The Hound of Hell before her
Was puzzled till she gave it a squeak.
But its growling subsided
Its expression went from murderous to meek.
Through tears in her eyes
Emily saw recognition on the creature’s face.
“Go get ‘em, boy,” she said
And hurled the toy into space.
Landing at the Doughboy’s platform
He picked the toy up at his feet.
Straightening up he faced a maw
Of angry crescent dog teeth.
If not for his minions’ quick response
To Ragamuffin’s imminent threat
The evil, little baker boy and Oblivion
Would have surely met.
But as Emily could clearly see
From even quite a ways
Her once beloved pet
Had been quickly set ablaze.
The commotion and chaos allowed her flight
Through the minions she’d push and shove.
For a little girl’s life had been saved
By an animal’s capacity to love.
But she vowed revenge upon that day
For a heart that would never mend.
Poppin’ Fresh and she would meet again
And then, he’d meet his end.
But until such time
She’d take solace in part
That her puppy’s true home
Was still in her heart.
08/27/05