In Deep Purple
JuraSICK Humor
A most violent disturbance
At least, for daytime TV
Occurred one day on the set
Of Regis with Kathie Lee.
En route from a nearby studio
And announced by a mighty roar
This unannounced guest was
Barney the purple dinosaur.
And so he started to sing
A song with a lovely ring
“I love you. You love me.
I’d love a taste of Kathie Lee!”
The horrid look in Regis’ eyes
Surely, no one could miss
As Barney grabbed his co-hostess and said,
“Baby, how ‘bout a kiss?”
But the purple monstrosity’s
Plan was soon interrupted
When the SWAT team burst in
All Hell just erupted.
The shouts and the cries
The captain’s demands
To put the host down
And throw up his hands.
In response, Barney laughed
With uproarious laughter
As he took Kathie Lee
And tore her asunder.
So the SWAT team opened fire
Thus, Regis’ fate was sealed
As Barney swept him up with his tail
To use him as a bullet shield.
Thus began the chase
From studio floor to floor
As Barney’d gobble up one host
And then a couple more.
He cropped an inch off Montel’s scalp
His precision was first-rate
As he finally showed Oprah
How to permanently lose weight.
So the standoff soon resulted
In a hostage situation
As Barney made demands
Inside the frightened TV station.
“I’ll eat a single hostage,
Every single hour
Until I get a chopper
To take me from the tower.”
So Barney glared at Bryant Gumble
Saying, “I guess you know the stakes.
I think I’ll start with you
And see what a difference TODAY makes.”
07/21/95?