Care Bears in Bondage
One odd, disturbing Saturday morning
The parents’ eyes still tired and weary
The ratings for the Care Bears
Had been dismal, some say dreary
But the network had revamped the show
In the hopes of a new sensation
Their desperate plan: Care Bears 2
The Next Generation
In addition to old regulars
Like Funshine Bear and Friend Bear
Spreading heartfelt care
The concerned parents were horrified
At the introduction of Bondage Bear!
With whips and chains
And red fish nettings
She gave new meaning
To “furry little teddies”.
Instead of spreading Care Bear cheer
By example and passive contrition
She bound and gagged unhappy souls
And beat them into submission.
Luring Tenderheart Bear in
With cookies and with milk
She taught him that “the ties that bind”
Are really made with silk.
This wicked installment had no lesson
Nor any moral to preach
For, at the end of the show, each little bear
Was at the end of a very short leash.
And as public outrage reached a fever pitch
That such smut they dared to air
The scenes from next week’s episode
Announced the coming of… Bazooka Bear!
11/12/95