Awakening
I
Once it began, it was madness, no reprieve
At a Times Square McDonald’s, New Year’s Eve.
Hungry monsters salivated
For their greasy burgers, never sated.
Amidst the voracious din and reveling
A subversive sense, unsettling
A steady, growing undercurrent,
Something sinister, ever fervent
As the countdown clock ascended its tower
A cacophony announced zero hour.
Patrons froze their eating, talking, littering
At the rising sound of unearthly chittering.
Adult gasps and children’s squeals
As demon toys burst out from Happy Meals.
Lurkey flew up and bit someone’s nose
But skittering Cheezer liked little girl toes.
From every restaurant nook and cranny
The Beanies attacked child, parent, and granny.
Upon the front counters a leader did stand
A vicious, plush army his to command
Black as night, a blank, beady stare
The usher of doom, The End the Bear!
From his mouth issued hollow, alien tones
The rustling, sifting of crushed baby bones.
A rattling, clicking locust chant
Ordered the attack of every man, woman, infant.
While one man wrestled Patti and Splash
He yanked their swing tags, causing both to crash
Rendering them lifeless, limp and null.
Alas, Hoppity and Springy pummeled his skull.
The children fought hardest, their minds most prepared
Against this reality most impaired.
The grown-ups faced terrors they could not accept
As the Beanies hungered, skittered, leapt.
The plan for years, which had been brewing
Resulted, finally, in the chomping, chewing
Feast of living flesh this venue
Featuring humans on the value menu.
Beanie Babies devoured with glee
The freshest ingredients all for free
This McDonald’s, like many on that day,
Their own little Beanie Baby Hometown Buffet.
Desperate survivors turned and fled
But found the streets overflowed with the dead.
The Beanies had only started their fun.
The Awakening had finally begun.
II
Regret floods my fevered brain
While up my wounded leg strike vipers of pain.
A memory of my two young boys
Sifting a bag of “harmless” plush toys.
My wife and children, dead all.
Through watery eyes I scan the dark hall
Bleeding, pushed back against the closet door
Desperately reloading my Magnum 44.
Then, in the darkness, a multi-colored wave
Against the rug, they patter, they chatter, they rave.
Stemming from the shadows, their number is legion
Some demonic army from a cartoon nether region.
Six rounds. The first takes Nip the Cat.
The second makes Spot the Dog, exactly that.
My third and fourth shell
Send Squealer and Gigi to Hell.
Only two shots left now.
Screw you, Daisy the Cow.
But still the flood continues its creep
From every angle and surface they leap
Off furniture, walls, and curio shelf.
I save the last bullet…for myself.
III
Flight 993, on course for Beijing
Took a sudden turn for the worst
When from the overhead bins above,
A duffle of Beanie Babies burst.
Raining down, a hail of plush
The hungry little critters attacked
As on the captive passengers
The now fully active Beanies snacked.
So here it is, that Jolly Walrus found
And Ringo quite agreed
That McDonald’s fast food or airline Chinese,
It’s all good eats, indeed.
Passengers were picked off one by one
The Beanies had plenty of time
Eaten by Chipper or Crunch the Shark…
Well, you know the rest of that rhyme.
So it was, throughout the world
The Beanies’ plan unfurled
Across the globe the chaos spread
Leaving untold millions dead.
But despite the losses, one can surely bet
That all is not over, yet.
For those that are left, at least for some,
The worst is yet to come.
02/21/06